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Old 23-06-2020, 08:03 AM
Harley Harley is offline
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Default DelivAIRies - a Blowgirls story
In my previous tales I've mentioned in passing that the girls also do related jobs outside the stage. I thought it would be fun to expand on the concept a bit and describe their take on balloon-o-grams and musical deliveries.
The story is finished but still needs some final formatting and uploading, but here's the cover and relevant excerpt. I think this kind of services might be a hit with some!




It was just a matter of time before we got a request for what amounted to a private solo performance. But since it was pretty innocent - objectively speaking - there was no reason to decline. Except the obvious one. I had to ask Mandy if she was comfortable calling on an admitted admirer.
“Sure”, she said, “Long as I don’t have to go in. And maybe Liz could come along just in case.”
I turned to Betty, who shrugged. “Course I’ll go. What are friends for? I could even help blow up the balloons.”
“Noo! That’d be cheating!” Mandy exclaimed. “But thanks.”
“We can only charge for one, of course”, I stated on general principles.
“Well, duh. It’s not my gig anyway. We could go for coffee after or pretend it’s a playdate.”
Mandy looked disappointed. “Whaddya mean ‘pretend’?”
“Fine. I’ll bring my ponies.”

As for the actual job, the long-time fan had asked the blonde to do a song with some visual aids and Amanda insisted on us watching her rehearse to see if the timing would work. Despite her views on professionalism she didn’t decline assistance with inflating the eight practice balloons, though.
She started out by merrily popping one of the colorful metallics. Then she interpunctuated her singing with pin work.

‘Happy burstday to you! (pop)
Happy burstday to you! (pop)
Happy burstday (pop), happy burstday (pop pop pop)
Happy burstday (pop) to you!’

Nita looked thoughtful. “I don’t think you should start with a pop. End with one instead.”
“Yeah”, I agreed. “Builds anticipation that way.”
“That fourth pop broke the rhythm”, Tessa said. “The triplet was a good touch though.”
Alex nodded. “Maybe a little earlier, right on ‘burst’?”
“Ay! And same again for the last repetition!”
“It should be Poppy burstday”, Carrie grinned.
I was impressed. “Not bad! Try that the final time. Sounds more like a punchline than a repeat joke.”
“More surprising like that too”, Jo said.
Another set of balloons was blown up and Jo got surprised herself as one exploded in her face. Or maybe not. Hard to tell with that impassive expression. She kept the ruptured neck between her lips for a couple of seconds, then simply picked up a new loon and inflated it without any fuss. She’s likely the one with the most unfazed attitude to btp’s - in stark contrast with her lover who definitely reacts to them. Opposites attract, they say.
Mandy did another run-through including the suggestions and it was much better. So good in fact I considered including it in the show. We hadn’t nailed down all acts yet.
"That’s a nice idea”, Riko said. “You could ask if anyone is having a birthday when you introduce it. And tell them to pretend it is otherwise.”
“Who do you think should do it?” Sam asked.
Tessa smirked. “A lo mejor Kimber?”
The tall blonde gave a shrug. “Sure, if you buy the booze.”
Everyone knew Kim would only hit all the notes if tipsy. They still chuckled.
“I thought you could take turns. Swedish songbirds excluded of course.”
“She could blow up the balloons instead!” Carrie chimed in.
I quickly came up with something more democratic before the glare had a chance to turn nasty. “You can prepare one each before showtime. Fair?”
The whole thing turned into a general rehearsal, with a lot of puffing and popping and, yes, singing. Mandy suggested bringing in the tuba for accompaniment and since everyone could carry a simple tune on it by now we went with that, each singer taking over the big instrument for the next run. Ten balloons meant the song could end with a cha-cha-cha of pops over a decisive, final brassy bwaa and it was just the kind of effect we’d always gone for.
It was actually better than many of the things I’d spent hours devising. Story of my life.
Betty hefted the tuba after her successful tryout. “Can I bring this while chaperoning? To check the live effect.”
My eyebrows went up.“Of course, but it would be working for free.”
“If he’s a fan of our shows the look on his face will be priceless.”

We got the routine pretty much nailed down and on the agreed date I sent Amanda and Elizabeth off with some anticipation. I’d considered asking Charlie to tag along - our resident bouncer certainly wouldn’t mind some bodyguard duty - but that seemed going a bit far. At least getting the tuba on the bus wouldn’t be an issue as Betty had brought her car for the occasion.
They returned wearing satisfied grins with the uniforms. Betty tossed her cap on the table and shook out her hair.
“Score one for the visiting team”, she said and I knew we were in for a retelling. With Mandy as a witness it might not be too embellished.
The narrator leaned back in a chair and put her hands behind her head. They probably wouldn’t stay there for long.
“I’m happy to report there was no ‘cheating’ - Ames blew ‘em all up during the drive. Real professional too, made sure they were just the same size.”
I cocked my head. “Thought you were supposed to keep your eyes on the road.”
“Oh, I did. But you wouldn’t believe how many red lights we hit.”
“Must’ve made you feel at home”, Carrie said and was largely ignored.
“And even if I hadn’t seen it”, Betty went on, “the noise would have been enough. Big airy whooshes when putting the air in, tiny farts when letting some out.”
“Sure, blame the balloons.”
Mandy nodded seriously, now completely in her bimbo persona. “You have to fill them properly or people might think you’re bringing maracas.”
“Good acoustics in there too. Sounded like she was puffing her little heart out.”
“Oh, but I was!” the blonde assured. “I gave them all the air they could want. They looked so sad, all limp and wrinkled. Doesn’t it make you just want to blow them nice and full and all better?”
That was probably less of an act than it seemed. You could often find Mandy blowing up any stray balloon she came across and look extraordinary pleased with the result.
Nita agreed. “An empty loon’s not merely unfilled but unfulfilled.”
“Precisely! And I think being blown up makes them happy. They sure look happy!”
So did Mandy, and I would have made the obvious comment if Riko hadn’t beaten me to it. She seemed puzzled too.
“And yet you pop them.”
“Bursting is part of being a balloon!” the blonde explained. “Maybe even the purpose. So blowing to pop is doing them a real favor!”
I could see Carrie trying hard to hold back. This wasn’t Mandy speaking but May Explode, and making fun of alter egos was pretty pointless.
She shrugged and dropped the act, though. “But jokes aside, I love balloons. Blowing, looking at, playing, popping - all of it.”
This was true. She’d admitted the same at her audition and never done anything to contradict it. I made a note to put her in charge of the decorations for the premiere, not just ask for volunteers to follow my instructions as usual. Whoever wanted could help, of course.
Betty didn’t seem to mind that interruption. Her bestie causing it might have helped - and the fact it was part of their shared story. She effortlessly picked the thread back up.
“And all of that was plain as day as she sat surrounded by loons, blowing up more and more with eyes wide open. Guy next to us at an intersection missed the greens from staring at her. Shoulda heard the honking behind him.”
Alex cut in. “Hold on. I’ve seen your ride and there’s no way that many balloons and her would fit.”
Betty waved it off. “She didn’t have to keep them in her lap. Thank god for backseats.”
Carrie grinned. “You would say that”.
“Shame”, Kim said. “Had made a pretty nice airbag.”
“Already have two!” Mandy happily exclaimed and hefted her generous boobs.
The storyteller cleared her throat. “Anyway. We pulled up outside this duplex - he lived on the bottom. Floor”, she added to prevent any innuendo.
“As I hauled out the tuba I heard a biker approaching. Cyclist, that is. He sure was curious - kept looking over his shoulder even after passing. You’d think he’d never seen a lady handling a honker like that before. If he hadn’t been in such a hurry I’d been tempted to give it a real big blow just for him.”
That setup must have been a consolation prize for Carrie, who wasted no time saying “Business as usual then!”
Elizabeth hardly missed a beat. “We straightened our clothes” - she pulled on her jacket and adjusted her tie and cap for emphasis - “gathered our gear and went up to the door. A grey tabby greeted us and rubbed up against my leg.”
Kim nodded. “Better a cat than your client.”
Carrie turned to Mandy. “Please say it was really a dog and more humping than rubbing!”
“Sorry. Just a harmless kitty.”
“They do that too”, Sam chuckled.
Betty was strumming the table. “Hey - I’m talking here! As for said client, he must’ve kept watch at the window because we sure didn’t have to wait. He’d made an effort to look nice too.”
Tessa gave her a curious look. “And did he?”
By now Betty’s arms had been brought fully into play. She turned up her palms. “For a given value. He wasn’t hideous or anything. And not creepy at all, just a regular guy.”
“Kinda cute, in an awkward way”, Mandy said.
“Nailed it, Ames. That’s what he was. And happy to see us, which is always a plus.”
“Something in his pocket?”, Kim asked.
“No idea. But he was packing for sure, at least after the performance.”
“And during it?” I asked to move things along.
“Oh, you shoulda seen it. He was just about mesmerized by Ames and her loons but his eyes kept straying to me. Poor guy didn’t know where to look!”
I wasn’t surprised. Having her lips covered by the mouthpiece wouldn’t matter since Betty can pretty much leer with her eyes.
“To show him I’d noticed I winked at him. He turned red as a lobster!”
Mandy couldn’t resist shooting her down. “Lobsters are kinda grey-brown, Liz.”
“Red as a red lobster. You saw him change color, right?”
“Oh yes! He did turn red”, she nodded.
Betty looked smug. “Don’t think I can get that shade no matter how hard I blow. Not that I didn’t try, so he wouldn’t feel lonesome.”
She poured herself some coffee.
“Thought I’d treat it as a color-change contest but whaddya know, he wouldn’t meet my gaze. Even though it was just a friendly challenge.”
“Impressive”, I said. “All that in less than fifteen seconds or so.”
“I know, right? The cat was gone in two. Hope it wasn’t his. Anyways, when the last balloon had popped and I’d played the final note all that was left was for Ames to hand him the remains. And you said broken balloons make lousy gifts. Pff.”
“Yeah”, Amanda agreed innocently. “He seemed to like them just fine.”
“As for me, I just licked my lips. You know how dry they get.” She took a sip as if to prove they still were.
I raised an eyebrow. “So that’s it? Did you simply walk off or is there more?”
“Oh, that was just what we came to do. Want the rest?” she asked and would have sulked for a week if anyone had said no.
“Thought so. When he’d recovered and decolored he seemed to realize he should say something. What he managed was ‘Wow, that was fantastic! Thanks!’ “
“That’s not what I heard”, Mandy giggled.
“Well, that was the gist. And then he asked if he could take a pic. Stuttering but polite.”
Her partner came to the customer’s defense. “Not sure it was a stutter. Could have been ‘May, may I take a picture?’.”
“Shush, you’ll spoil the impression. And he didn’t use my stage name, did he? Aaanyway, we said sure, of course. Grinned real nice for him. And then this genius brought out two spares.” She beamed with second-hand pride.
“It was his birthday after all”, the blonde said.
Betty looked positively lascivious. “I’ve never seen a pair of eyes bulge as much as when I told him ‘Better film this, birthday boy’.”
“Was that all that bulged?” Carrie wondered.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, of course it wasn’t. Then we blew them all the way up - she made a couple of suggestive puffs - and to pop.”
“Ba-boom!” Mandy supplied.
Tessa raised an eyebrow. “And did he?”
“Not on the doorstep. But I can’t speak for after we left. He was thoroughly thrilled, almost exlubricant. Said it was the best birthday ever.”
“Exuberant.”
“Whatevs. And we got this for the tip jar!”
She brandished a twenty and I whistled. Token tips were par for the course, but this was a nice addition.
“You did go above and beyond the call of duty.”
“Left the cleanup to him, though - picking up the rubber confetti wasn’t part of the deal. But I figure he’s pretty much a guaranteed return customer. For the show if nothing else.”
“Point him out if he shows up”, Nita suggested. “So whoever does the birthday bit can wink and see if he does turn red.”
This met with general approval and Betty took a slight bow.
“You’ve been an audience. Thank you, I’ll be here all year.”

I checked the customer feedback that night and found they had probably been telling the truth. While we’d mostly had noncommittal recommendations, this one was glowing. Though ’I got all I could ask for and more’ meant I probably would have to trash even more requests. ‘Beyond the call of duty’ only went so far.


*End of excerpt. I can post the other balloon episodes here too if you'd like - if so, just leave a comment!
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  #2  
Old 23-06-2020, 07:15 PM
Infl8 Infl8 is offline
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Default Re: DelivAIRies - a Blowgirls story
Thanks for the excerpt! I really liked it. I'd love to see the other balloon episodes. I was wondering, will other types of balloons make it in the other episodes?
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Old 25-06-2020, 08:51 PM
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loonerfun00 loonerfun00 is offline
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Default Re: DelivAIRies - a Blowgirls story
Your website is gone
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KILL ALL PUMPS! mouth inflation is the only way to go!
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Old 26-06-2020, 06:10 PM
Harley Harley is offline
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Default Re: DelivAIRies - a Blowgirls story
Originally Posted by loonerfun00 View Post
Your website is gone
Yep, down for now. Hence no linking to it in the post. :P

However, here's some more delivery descriptions. Balloon-o-grams would be a bit more interesting like this, don't you think?


The ads had been up for less than a week when we got our first order - a simple birthday balloon to be handed over at the recipient’s workplace. ‘A redhead, if possible’ was the request.
Carrie naturally - and gleefully - volunteered. It was with mixed feelings I handed over the envelope with the printout of ‘your message here’. It would have been more reassuring to start out with someone more predictable, which basically amounted to ‘any of the others’.
So you can understand my worries when she returned looking both happy and guilty at once, which isn’t something everyone can do. Carrie’s a natural for some reason.
“How did it go?”
She glanced at the ceiling. “Well, the first one was a bust. Popped halfway through!”
Auspicious beginnings indeed.
“Did you blow it up before you entered?”
“No, I thought it’d be more impressive up close and personal.”
I sighed. “I’m pretty sure it was. How did you handle that? And more importantly - how did they take it?”
Carrie lit up with the joy of retelling. “You shoulda been there! Two shrieks, five whoas and a full guffaw. The birthday girl was a shrieker, by the way.”
“I don’t blame her. Imagine your sweet surprise blowing up in your face.”
“In my face, precisely! But I did say sorry and that I wished I’d gotten a big bang for my birthday. Then I blew up a replacement. And everyone laughed. And she seemed real happy for the balloon and the note.”
“I take it you didn’t peek.”
The redhead pouted. “No, you said we weren’t to so I didn’t. I can obey!”
“I know you can. It was just a sappy ‘happy birthday baby’ and his name anyway.”
A sly grin split her face. “I thought you were supposed to keep’em secret?”
“And I will, when they say more than the loon print.”
Carrie nodded in a ‘fair enough’ way, then looked at me like I’d forgotten something crucial. “We should bring business cards, you know. I had to write down the address because the boss asked for it. He was the first one laughing, by the way.”
“That’s a good idea. Glad you mentioned it.”
And that there’s an interest.
“Oh, and one of the guys offered to fulfill my birthday wish. So I gave him another loon and told him to start practicing.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “I’ll write it off as a business expense.”
“Thanks. Would hate for it to come out of my pay.”
The last part was sheer absurdity, of course. If they were docked for broken balloons the girls would pretty much be working for free.

---

I quickly forgot about that small mishap when the orders started coming in. Thankfully we were far from overwhelmed - and with everything else going on it was just as well. Still, the steady if limited demand was both flattering and encouraging.
Pretty soon Nita was tasked with delivering a bouquet of a dozen balloons and came back with the biggest smile on her face.
“I felt like a conjurer, arriving at the foyer empty-handed and then entering the dining room with that enormous bunch.”
I could sort of understand what she meant, even if what passed in between had involved more lung power than legerdemain. A surprising volume could fit in those pockets if you were willing to huff and puff a bit.
“Too bad we charge by loon and not by effort”, Betty said.
Vanita tossed her head, looking very lovely and carefree. “Oh, it was only fun! I love my job.”
“Any accidents?” I asked.
“No, I didn’t neck them as per instructions.”
That would have been a sight”, Kim said. A joke that never seemed to get old.
“A little girl passing by with her mum couldn’t stop staring, so I gave her a free sample” Nita went on. “Going from wide-eyed gaping to happy smile in an instant - which was about the same reaction as from the actual mark”
“Two for one. Not bad.”
“Technically there were thirteen loons”, Nita said. “But not bad at all.”
“And technically you might have passed out more than one free sample - if there were any looners around.”
“Unknown variables”, she laughed. “Think my math prof would approve?”
“If he likes girls you can count on it.”
I realized too late you only had to remove an ‘o’ to twist my little joke completely.
Which Kim promptly did.

---

In a cruel twist of fate Betty got the first job calling for actual effort. She was to deliver a big round silver balloon decorated with ‘Happy Birthday’ in white along with printed confetti and streamers.
She returned from suburbia looking kinda - for lack of a better word - deflated. I put the paperwork aside.
“Ok, let’s hear it.”
“First the good news - the spares survived.”
She dropped two limp rubber specimens on my desk. They landed with a flopping noise indicating they would indeed inflate into a full three feet.
“And…?”
Betty parked her ass next to the balloons and went on in her slight Texan drawl:
“It was a nice neighborhood - no apartments in sight. Found the address, stopped half a block away and blew the damn thing up right on the sidewalk. Nowhere else to do it.”
“Doesn’t sound too bad.”
“It wasn’t, except making it nice and full seemed to take about forever. One thing on stage or in any kinda context, but I felt a right idiot doing it there. I could almost hear the curtains being pulled aside by gawkers.”
“People watch you blow up stuff every night.”
Context. Also, they’re into it enough to pay. People without personal interest? Not as fun.”
“For all we know it might have gone unnoticed.”
She scoffed at the suggestion. “The postman sure stared. Good thing he had to go slow, right?”
I nodded agreement. “Pretty girls have been known to cause accidents.”
“Not like that, I’m sure. Making a postie crash would’ve been a world first.” Betty sighed. “Anyway, I finished and tied it off and made myself presentable. Then I walked up and rang the bell. I’d obviously arrived mid-celebration - the guy had quite a few buds over and they all cheered and hollered as I sang ‘Happy Birthday’. You realize ‘dear Maximilian‘ doesn’t really scan, don’t you?”
“You could have left out ‘dear’.”
“Oh, I did. Just thought I’d mention it. Anyway, I smiled prettily and handed him the loon. But on the inside I was frowning. Nevermind the struggle of getting it through the door - I could tell something very personal about him from what I could see inside.”
“Pervy prints all over the walls?”
“Worse”, she said with a frown. “He was a cactus lover.”
I somehow managed to keep a straight face. “What?”
“Cactuses everywhere. Cacti? Whatever. Swear to god, the house must have been full of ‘em if he had to put them all the way to the entrance.”
“This is not going to end well, is it?”
“Not for the balloon it aint. As the door closed behind me I could hear the pop and the laughs. Went on until I was out of earshot.”
I began to laugh as well. “All according to plan I guess!”
She sulked, or pretended to. “Sure, make fun of old Bets.”
“No, really. Makes a lot of sense now. The sender wrote ‘Hope you’ll live far longer than this balloon!’ And yes, he’s paid in full.”
A corner of Betty’s mouth went up. “Some practical joke. Ames would’ve like it.”
“You can pass that on to her. But you’d prefer to regale them with your rousing success as a delivery girl, right?”
I could just imagine how she’d tell it. Not only would the balloon survive, the curious neighbors would turn into drooling peeping toms and the postman would have a lucky escape after losing control.
I rose to hug her. “You did your job. And you weren’t apprehended for causing a scene. Well done.”
“It was mostly the pop that got me.”
“So don’t mention it. I won’t snitch.” I let her go and she seemed to have perked up a bit. A suggestion couldn’t hurt any. “Look at it this way - those gawkers probably enjoyed the sight. And who knows, maybe the ladies of the neighborhood were grateful for you giving them something nice to blow…”
She snorted. “Fat chance of that.”
I cocked my head. “You’d do it, right?”
“Damn straight I would.”
“See? It could happen. Not saying you should work it in, but maybe hint at it.”
She agreed it had potential and I was kinda sorry I’d miss the dressing room recap. If nothing else it would put her back in the usual form.




There's more, of course, but these three happen back-to-back so they were suitable for a single post!
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Old 30-06-2020, 10:51 PM
Infl8 Infl8 is offline
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Default Re: DelivAIRies - a Blowgirls story
Thanks for the excerpt! I'd love to read more of your story. I was wondering, which other types of balloons will make it in? Also, can I suggest other types of balloons in the story?
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Old 03-07-2020, 06:23 PM
Fetishman001 Fetishman001 is offline
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Default Re: DelivAIRies - a Blowgirls story
I have been following harley.looner.info since its inception! When it will be UP? I am really waiting for your excellent content, findings and videos! Please start it soon! looking forward for the same
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