Finally finished another

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  • wildheart
    Senior Member
    • Apr 2015
    • 859

    Finally finished another

    Think this is my longest story I've done. It features an unusual location as well. Enjoy.

    "So you gonna tell us where we're going yet?" Asks Holly. Sophie had told Holly and Jenny to meet her at a local shopping centre and that she had a trip planned for them. "No, it's a surprise. We'll...
    How big will it go? Only one way to find out...
    My website: loonerstories.weebly.com
  • ChillinHaze
    Senior Member
    • Sep 2016
    • 133

    #2
    Re: Finally finished another

    Not bad but I have to say having Jenny along really felt like she was the fifth wheel on the cart. The parts with her felt kinda unneeded and she was treated really unfair throughout the whole story.

    Don't want to criticize too much but I think you should have left her out of it.

    Similar thing with Dan. Having the girls get together seemed like you actually wanted to retire him but were not brave enough to actually do it.

    Also, you seem to be cutting the actual balloon play pretty short since a few stories. I just noticed that in your earlier ones the balloon scenes were played out a lot more and seemed more sensual. Now it's more like scratching one from the list and quickly moving on to the next.

    Sorry for all the criticism but I don't mean it as an offence just giving my honest opinion.

    Comment

    • Dust of the Saturn
      Stretched like space-time
      • Feb 2018
      • 299

      #3
      Re: Finally finished another

      your stories are amazing wildheart. NEVER stop. jenny is a nice new touch since she is afraid of the pops but you should stretch out the scenes more if you can. just add more details, even the smallest ones matter and keep it as sensual as you can and as ChillinHaze said, you were quickly moving on from one thing to another (for example when sophie came up with the blindfolding idea and said "jenny starts" noone actually came up next). but i like jenny keep her in because of her fear. consider my words encouragement for you to write more. your stories are jaw dropping (and boxer dropping too). try to include dan in some sexual play with the duo, tho i think maybe it isn't your style cause you had the chance way back and never did it. anyway i love it keep it up ( my biggest turn on is the lips and the mouthpeice, and you always nail it when it comes to girls sharing the same wet mouthpiece)
      And I ask myself, why? and all I hear is the cold, dead silence of the cosmos.

      Comment

      • wildheart
        Senior Member
        • Apr 2015
        • 859

        #4
        Re: Finally finished another

        Thanks for the comments, I'll try to take them onboard for the next one. I'm kinda playing around with different styles. Maybe this one was a bit long. I probably tried to include too much in one story so rushed bits. I should probably go back to having a few more detailed scenes rather then lots of different ideas all mashed into one.
        Perhaps I should've left out Jenny on this one now I come to think of it. Still not sure what I want to do with Dan. I like the relationship between Holly and Sophie but haven't quite worked out how Dan will fit in. It might be best to keep Jenny for separate stories. Let me know what you think.
        How big will it go? Only one way to find out...
        My website: loonerstories.weebly.com

        Comment

        • Joe Sixpanel
          Member
          • Sep 2018
          • 51

          #5
          Re: Finally finished another

          I enjoy all your stories. Keep it up! I really want to read about every detail of the inflatables, and the feelings of the girls bowing up the balloons (and especially beach balls!) as well as the girls watching the inflatables grow tight.

          I like Jenny in the stories, but would play up her fear a bit more. She's a little too brave with the blow-to-pops for someone who truly has a phobia. Just my two cents.

          Comment

          • tasgor
            Junior Member
            • Oct 2015
            • 17

            #6
            Re: Finally finished another

            Great story! Keep writing!

            Comment

            • marja

              #7
              Re: Finally finished another

              Hi Wildheart,
              I was quite a bit behind with your stories, but once I start reading one story I really have to force myself to not read all of them at once. I just keep reading.

              I like it that the relationship between the characters gets more and more complex and diverse. You have a nice way of character development. Keep going!

              Comment

              • wildheart
                Senior Member
                • Apr 2015
                • 859

                #8
                Re: Finally finished another

                Originally posted by marja
                Hi Wildheart,
                I was quite a bit behind with your stories, but once I start reading one story I really have to force myself to not read all of them at once. I just keep reading.

                I like it that the relationship between the characters gets more and more complex and diverse. You have a nice way of character development. Keep going!
                That’s what I like about writing this series, developing all the characters and relationships. I plan on having all the different characters meet at some point. Maybe not all together, otherwise it’ll be a bit chaotic, but it’ll be nice to figure out how they’ll all interact. At the moment there’s a bit of a line between Holly and Sophie’s stories and Jenny and her friend. I’m going to finish with Jenny’s mini storyline and then I might merge the two in some way.

                When I first started writing, I had no idea I’d write this many and didn’t really plan how the relationships would work. Its sort of evolved over time.
                How big will it go? Only one way to find out...
                My website: loonerstories.weebly.com

                Comment

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