Is it possible to lose the fetish?

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  • Galdo
    Member
    • Jun 2019
    • 64

    #16
    Re: Is it possible to lose the fetish?

    After at least a year ... or were it even more ... after I posted this topic, I want to reply to my own question, and over all give an update what happened to me.

    Not that it would really matter much, but I´d just like to post in my own topic.

    So I´m barely doing any fetish anymore... it more or less completely did fall asleep, especially when it comes to balloons.

    This is not because I lost interest in it, it´s rather because of the circumstances. My mom has retired from work, and is at home all the time, and my dad also made plans to retire soon.

    Back then, in my active loonin´ days my mom worked like 3 (sometimes 4) days a week, and I had the house to myself from like 8-12.

    Sure, she also leaves the house at times, this time... like she goes shopping, or visits her "sports club", but I got very crazy about getting caught... just this morning. Yesterday she announced, she will go to the sports club aggain... and I thought ... I could maybe do something fetish related...

    Lucky me that I walked upstairs. I heared her talking, and she was at home... she returned from sports club - didn´t got here, because she has so much work today.

    If I would just have went into my room, got a loon or something... expecting noone is at home...

    In the past years I´ve had many of these situations, and they made me so phobic about getting caught, that I just lose any "lust" to actually do something with loons.

    I think they know it anyway, because I became really care less.. Shreds were found (by others) even whole loons, that they found, and put them like on the washing mashine (1 blue loon was there recently)... nothing has been said or commented about it.

    Other than that... thou, it doesn´t have much to do with the topic, but it´s something important for me, in ´21 I made lots of changes because I was just to frustrated. I´ve had 4 different doctor visits, which I did not do before because of my mental illness.

    Went to skin doctor, made my face a bit prettier, went to the normal doctor, dentist... and theraphist...

    Also I wanted to get a gf really bad, signed up at many sites. As to be expected... I more or less got totally ignored at "normal" dating sites ... but due to me also signing up on dating sites for err... "special" people (one site for example is for people with handicap... we´re talking bout people in wheelchair, but also bout people with mental issues like depression or aspergers, or others).

    I´ve had my first date, but the first date woman then was mean to me, told me she never dated such a freak as I am, but also appreciated, that I was the most nice guy she ever dated.

    At the dating site for "chubby" people I found a person then, who became my first GF.

    Everything went quite fast, she has had ... I think two boyfriends before, but they weren´t treating her right (to say it politely...), so after like 1-2 weeks chating, sharing pictures, we made a together vacation.

    For me it was the first time having a vaction without being with my parents. My last vacation was like in 2003, when I joined my parents when they traveled to Spain or Greece (not sure which one it was) but since then I always just stood home...

    So we had a good time, and I´ve had my "first time" pretty quick, followed by many many other sexual activities (amazing).

    It ended after 6 weeks, and thou I blamed myself for it, she said "it´s our fault". She was a good girlfriend, heck, she even was into electronics like I´m ... She already had a solder iron, and did some things here and there, but when we got together, she intensified this, and bought kits... like she did build an amplified speaker, with a wooden housing (was a kit) and sent me picuteres of the construction, and a test video of the unit.

    I talked to her about it, explained that she doesn´t need to do that for me, thou I think it´s cute, and I like it, but she insisted on it being her own interest, and she does that, because she thinks it´s interesting.

    Also she wasn´t into sports ... funny wise in the short relationship I was rather the person who encouraged her to go outside, go have a walk or even make a small hiking trip.

    The relationship ended because she was very "demanding" - "demanding" in terms of attention. Due to her backstory, she often thought bad things of me... like when she visited me, I got sick. I went to the doctor, and test was made, no corona, but flu...

    One day I went to bed like 8pm, and just heading to my room (for a while we sleeped in different beds because she snored really loud - and I couldn´t sleep. Later we got that fixed...) ... anyhow, I took a soft drink bottle with me, not thinking much.

    The next day I woke up, she wrote a WhatsApp message, telling me, that she can leave, take the train at 11 AM... I was confused. Talk to her, she was angry... it turnes out, she thought I just "pretended" to be sick, and "someone who´s sick doesn´t take the coke bottle with him, while heading to his room." She assumed, I told her a lie, to get more "off time" for my personal things (my "personal things" were strongly reduced, I did spend really much time with her).

    I could give far more of these examples, and in the weeks where she was at home, and I was at home... she was very attention demanding... write a lot with her, and dare me, if I didn´t write...

    Then, after about 6 weeks, we sorta ended it. There was more to it, but would take up to much space.

    What I want to write thou is... it helped extremly much. It was like a theraphy... I learned who I really am, and what is important in my life.

    The reason why I even got into this all was because I was super frustrated, and I thought, a GF could fix it. She could give me company, maybe even replace my friends, who were with me when I was a kid / teenager, but later abandoned me...

    Well... yeah, I learned *right now* I´m not ready for a gf... I need to get my stuff done first.

    But ... whoever is in a simmilar situation... struggeling about the gf topic... get it through. I know this isn´t helpfull, but try everything to make the personal experience (I´m more talking about the social aspect, not about the first time - yes having had it was a hughe relief, but what was more important for ... in ... helping me was the over all experience of actually being in a relationship, having responsibilities towards someone experience a change in your slice of life ... daily or weekly routine...).

    Allright... just wanted to mention that because a few of you may recall my long and usually frustrated posts about this topic.

    Back to fetish.

    Another reason why I sorta stopped doing balloons is, that new neighbours moved in. They were next to us before, but just did visit their house on occasion... often the house was empty.

    During job change ... or something ... they now moved in. As far as I know the guy has some sort of home office as a programmer, so he´s home more or less all time when it comes to his job.

    I did do some noise tests, placed a recorder outside the house (I think that was before they did move in), and popped various loons in different ways... also tried if a bed blanket will reduce the sound...

    Later, listenning to the recordings, the results weren´t that pleasing. The loon pops could be heared outside the house... not really loud... but definately noticeable, and the very specific "pop / bang" noise is, what is suspicious. A wooden plank that suddenly makes a pop noise is something ppl would not care about, because they know this sound, and can connect it to the wooden plank... but a loon pop?

    I´ve been passive for months, did nothing regarding to looning in months. The "lust" is definately there, but it´s absolutely not enjoyable, with always being worried, if after your next loon pop, neighbours will ask questions, or ask my parents questions...

    There was only one situation where I could do some looning aggain (do it good I mean, free from fear), and I did it. At this day, I could be sure, to be alone at home for at least 2 or more hours... and it was very stormy and loud outside (loon pop noises definately would be over heared)... and yeah, had some fun.

    Regarding my future, I rather see a transition. My brother finally moves out from here, and I get his room ... also there´s an additional bathroom which is so to speak "deeper" inside the house, maybe better sound isolated. Also there´s a bathtub.

    I could change from having my S2P (I´m somewhat popper / non popper... I think I leave it to the loon if it gives up to my about 230 pounds or not ) ... I could use water instead of air, because popping loons with water inside, all that is audible is the rubber "snap" noise, and the water "flush" noise. Made some experiments related to that, with loons in a hughe trashbag... but as you can imagine, here and there the trashbag popped aswell... err... yeah.

    I may give loonin´ another try / may be able to re active it, but have my doubts. I think, for the current ... (and maybe future-?) situation there rather will be a transition towards inflatables.

    I still have my normal gymnastics ball, and the shoshu "men inflatable beach ball with love hole." I use them here and there (did use them, in times where I didn´t loon).

    I rather see a future there, getting more / deeper into inflatables (As you can sit on them, without the risk to pop them - at least if you don´t ride them like crazy). Thinking of getting modified beach toys, like maybe whale with sph insert. Something like this ... well, if it goes well with the loons with water in the bathtub, I also may return actively to looning, or if I find an option, in the new room, to muffle the loon pop sound well enough.

    So... here´s my little update, thanks for reading.

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