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Old 17-05-2019, 10:34 PM
7balloon 7balloon is offline
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Default Dear Penthouse...FML
I have a married couple as tenants. He's 50, sort of a loser, just got a third DUI (wondering why the other two didn't show up on the background check). She's 24, 5'3, 105 lbs....hot. I have to admit that I might have chosen them as tenants simply cause she is so freaking hot.

So she called today to get the locks rekeyed. When I got there she explained they are splitting up, she wants the apartment and asked me to rekey. And she was wearing a loose silk robe open to show a pink bra.

I called for legal advice and explained I couldn't legally lock him out. So i followed the legal advice and texted him to let him know I was rekeying at her request and that I was giving her both keys. If he had a problem with that, he had to let me know soon.

She was on the phone with many friends as I did my work on the doors, talking about them splitting up. Then she talked to me and explained that she had reported him to the police for abuse and I should lock him out.

Called the legal team again and because it wasn't a recent report, and he had been living there with her since the report, I again, couldn't lock him out. If she got a P.P.O., I could.

She asked me to stay while she ordered a pizza and discuss her options. She started a conversation with verizon to change her number over to her own account, one he couldn't cut off or access.

She calls me to the back of the apartment and I hear her on the phone with Verizon on speaker. While she is taking a shower. She calls me into the bathroom and I did a quick peak to make sure she's behind the curtain. Verizon needs her to type stuff into the phone and will I type it for her, cause she's soapy and wet.

Three seconds later the curtain is gone and she's completely naked in the shower in front of me.

She tells me not to leave in case she needs me again and she finishes showering while on the phone, naked in front of me. I went back to the living room.

She comes out, and sits on the couch and drops the towel across her lap so that she is basically naked. She explains how she just loves sex and they don't have chemistry. Being an out looner, I tell her about my fetish and she's like..."Your're a looner?!" Then she wants to talk all about that.

She says, "It's a shame you don't have any balloons here now." I told her I had some in the car. She says she wants to see.

I got the ones I had and she begins blowing one up. She says, "Do you want to just fuck until I go to work? We can do it with the balloons."

So I explained I had to get back to my contractors and left. She asked many times to stay and asked me to feel her boobs...which I did. Holy shit. Perfect.

I still left.

She called twice and texted me three times asking me to come back over.

I hate myself. I hate the world. I hate everything.

but the first rule in life is DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.

She is my tenant and if we hooked up I would have been cuckolding her husband, even if they are on the outs. And I would have opened myself up to a thousand different accusations. A thousand things she could hold over my head for free rent, kicking her husband out, etc.

I still hate everything and am horny, depressed and pissed off.

I had to tell someone, and so, my looner friends, you are whom I'm telling.

Fuck all.
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Old 18-05-2019, 02:34 AM
7balloon 7balloon is offline
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
follow up. Holy shit. She called me while the cops were at my apartment that they live in, because she wouldn't let them in. I told her there is nothing I can do for either of them. Which I can't. I hear some arguing over the phone between her and someone...or someones. Then thirty minutes later the text..."I wanna suck on you."


Anyone else want that kind of crazy in their life?
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Old 18-05-2019, 05:31 AM
Smothered by tits Smothered by tits is offline
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
Here's one of the rules i live my life by.
DON'T STICK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY.
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Old 18-05-2019, 06:11 PM
lioon lioon is offline
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
I'll bet you she's "on the outs" with her husband like every few months or something.
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Old 18-05-2019, 11:32 PM
BlueYoshi BlueYoshi is online now
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
Originally Posted by 7balloon View Post
I still left.
Bullet = dodged
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Old 19-05-2019, 09:27 AM
Slugamano Slugamano is offline
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
Keep yourself away from that person...
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Old 19-05-2019, 09:54 AM
Eastlooner Eastlooner is offline
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
It seems that you have met a mantid (or a man-eating woman)... Be careful and just stay away.
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Old 21-05-2019, 12:53 PM
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BalloonBoyUK BalloonBoyUK is offline
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
And this, folks, is why you should never dip your pen in the company ink!

Let it be a lesson to all men: stop thinking with your dicks, and start thinking with your heads! If you're that desperate for sex, hire a prostitute or an escort, or other sex-worker.

Oh, and never, ever have sex with anyone who is already in a relationship, even if they claim it's over. You really don't need the potential grief and hassle!
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Old 21-05-2019, 04:40 PM
drumrd drumrd is offline
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
Originally Posted by BalloonBoyUK View Post
Let it be a lesson to all men: stop thinking with your dicks, and start thinking with your heads! If you're that desperate for sex, hire a prostitute or an escort, or other sex-worker.
Why did you add this in your post? I don't see a lot of reactions in this post from ''men'' giving this advice.. just the opposite. in this context your reaction doesn't make any sense.

I advice you to reread your last posts today. Calm down a little... 3 of the 5 derives about the message "don't do that". Life is sometimes about taking risks.. learn from mistakes.. or to seek thrills.. otherwise life would be quite boring. You have to understand not all men are stupid assholes and a lot do think..

I strongly advice you to reflect on this. As being a teacher i can say that your current way of teaching people is not being effective. It annoys.
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Old 22-05-2019, 01:09 PM
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BalloonBoyUK BalloonBoyUK is offline
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Default Re: Dear Penthouse...FML
Originally Posted by drumrd View Post
Why did you add this in your post? I don't see a lot of reactions in this post from ''men'' giving this advice.. just the opposite. in this context your reaction doesn't make any sense.
I added it, because I felt it was necessary. Too many people, predominantly men, (though not all men), tend to think more with their dicks than their brains, when the opportunity of sex arises. I see too many posts in this and other balloon fetish forums, from men who ask for advice on how to approach women, or form a relationship with them, and most men tend to only consider the scenario from their own, masculine point of view. Rightly or wrongly, that's the way of the world. I am simply trying to reducate people into considering things from the opposite point-of-view. If you don't like that, then so be it. Many men want sex, and seek it out. Sadly, that desire for sex tends to lead them to do dumb things, like the story written about, in the original post. All I am saying, is that there are safer ways, that won't get you into as much trouble, than doing what the man in the original post did. That's a cautionary tale, that everyone should heed. Or, go right ahead, and do what you like, and then don't deal with the consequences thereafter, if that's how you prefer to live. Some of us, however, prefer to be more careful about our interactions with people when it comes to sex, romance, and/or love.


Originally Posted by drumrd View Post
I advice you to reread your last posts today. Calm down a little... 3 of the 5 derives about the message "don't do that". Life is sometimes about taking risks.. learn from mistakes.. or to seek thrills.. otherwise life would be quite boring. You have to understand not all men are stupid assholes and a lot do think..
I don't claim that "all men are stupid assholes" - your words not mine. I've simply said that many men don't think about scenarios from anything other than their own point of view, because they don't think about consequences, or they pretend that the consequences won't ever happen to them, but only "stupid assholes". I'm saddened to say, dumb things happen to dumb people all of the time. If people don't consider all of the potential consequences of a scenario, before they do go ahead and do something, then more fool them. Whether you accept that or not, is entirely up to you. I'm not forcing you either way.


Originally Posted by drumrd View Post
I strongly advice you to reflect on this. As being a teacher i can say that your current way of teaching people is not being effective. It annoys.
Ummm, with all due respect, I don't need to reflect on anything, thanks! I've lived and learnt, and I'm not trying to teach anyone. I'm merely offering an alternative point-of-view, for people to think about or consider. People can accept it, or reject it, as they deem fit. I am purely offering up information. What people do with that information, is up to them - including completely ignoring every bit of it, if they so wish to do.

Last edited by BalloonBoyUK; 21-06-2019 at 12:38 PM.
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