Hey there looner friends, let me preface this with I am writing this because I really didn't know where else to share my experience and I needed a way to process what happened and this forum seems like the safest space I have to do so.
The new year has started off quite rough for me. NYE is always a mixed bag of emotions in my mind because I'm excited for the new year but I am very very afraid of fireworks. Without going into too much detail, I have some PTSD from events that happened to me and others in the past and it sets my fight/flight instincts into overdrive anytime unexpected sudden loud noises occur — specifically fireworks, balloons set me on edge if others are popping them but I can do so myself or with my wife without too much anxiety.
I have typically been able to stay away from any fireworks for years now and have my routines to make myself feel safe but my wife and I moved to a new place this year (in a much nicer part of town) so I let my guard down a bit.
I threw my wife a little NYE party, blew up balloons and cooked for her, all that jazz, trying to make up for not being able to go out to friend's parties and generally just trying to face my anxieties/fears a bit. That all went well but as we were getting into bed some people let off a massive barrage of fireworks in the pathway right outside our window (we live in an apartment complex on the first floor). I fell into immediate panic, covered my ears and was begging for it to stop. My wife helped me cover my ears and wrapped me up in a blanket and held me as I fell deeper into my panic attack. She ended up calling the police to send someone out (fireworks are highly illegal in our area, and within the complex even more so due to fire risk, they actually had multiple calls to our complex for the same thing according to the dispatcher).
That was the only thing that happened, that one incident but the damage had already been done. My wife is the true MVP here, she helped talk me down from my panic attack where my body was literally convulsing, honestly couldn't have made it through without her. I have never been that close to something that loud in quite some time, and I don't think I've been that close to fireworks of that magnitude in my life so to say it had me rattled would be an understatement.
So if you're still reading this, thanks for sticking around. I'm feeling pretty down and really numb to everything right now, but I'm still here, still living and trying my best to pick myself back up. It'll take some time but I'll be okay, it's just frustrating because I was having such a great night until then and also frustrating being able to feel safe in your own home.
I'm still not entirely sure why I'm writing this. I guess to help me process what I'm feeling, hopefully it'll help someone else not feel so alone in their fears as well.
Thanks for reading, I hope everyone had a wonderful NYE and wish everyone the best in 2020.
The new year has started off quite rough for me. NYE is always a mixed bag of emotions in my mind because I'm excited for the new year but I am very very afraid of fireworks. Without going into too much detail, I have some PTSD from events that happened to me and others in the past and it sets my fight/flight instincts into overdrive anytime unexpected sudden loud noises occur — specifically fireworks, balloons set me on edge if others are popping them but I can do so myself or with my wife without too much anxiety.
I have typically been able to stay away from any fireworks for years now and have my routines to make myself feel safe but my wife and I moved to a new place this year (in a much nicer part of town) so I let my guard down a bit.
I threw my wife a little NYE party, blew up balloons and cooked for her, all that jazz, trying to make up for not being able to go out to friend's parties and generally just trying to face my anxieties/fears a bit. That all went well but as we were getting into bed some people let off a massive barrage of fireworks in the pathway right outside our window (we live in an apartment complex on the first floor). I fell into immediate panic, covered my ears and was begging for it to stop. My wife helped me cover my ears and wrapped me up in a blanket and held me as I fell deeper into my panic attack. She ended up calling the police to send someone out (fireworks are highly illegal in our area, and within the complex even more so due to fire risk, they actually had multiple calls to our complex for the same thing according to the dispatcher).
That was the only thing that happened, that one incident but the damage had already been done. My wife is the true MVP here, she helped talk me down from my panic attack where my body was literally convulsing, honestly couldn't have made it through without her. I have never been that close to something that loud in quite some time, and I don't think I've been that close to fireworks of that magnitude in my life so to say it had me rattled would be an understatement.
So if you're still reading this, thanks for sticking around. I'm feeling pretty down and really numb to everything right now, but I'm still here, still living and trying my best to pick myself back up. It'll take some time but I'll be okay, it's just frustrating because I was having such a great night until then and also frustrating being able to feel safe in your own home.
I'm still not entirely sure why I'm writing this. I guess to help me process what I'm feeling, hopefully it'll help someone else not feel so alone in their fears as well.
Thanks for reading, I hope everyone had a wonderful NYE and wish everyone the best in 2020.
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