Traumatic NYE

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  • Loonatic
    Balloons + Feet
    • Apr 2016
    • 209

    Traumatic NYE

    Hey there looner friends, let me preface this with I am writing this because I really didn't know where else to share my experience and I needed a way to process what happened and this forum seems like the safest space I have to do so.

    The new year has started off quite rough for me. NYE is always a mixed bag of emotions in my mind because I'm excited for the new year but I am very very afraid of fireworks. Without going into too much detail, I have some PTSD from events that happened to me and others in the past and it sets my fight/flight instincts into overdrive anytime unexpected sudden loud noises occur — specifically fireworks, balloons set me on edge if others are popping them but I can do so myself or with my wife without too much anxiety.

    I have typically been able to stay away from any fireworks for years now and have my routines to make myself feel safe but my wife and I moved to a new place this year (in a much nicer part of town) so I let my guard down a bit.

    I threw my wife a little NYE party, blew up balloons and cooked for her, all that jazz, trying to make up for not being able to go out to friend's parties and generally just trying to face my anxieties/fears a bit. That all went well but as we were getting into bed some people let off a massive barrage of fireworks in the pathway right outside our window (we live in an apartment complex on the first floor). I fell into immediate panic, covered my ears and was begging for it to stop. My wife helped me cover my ears and wrapped me up in a blanket and held me as I fell deeper into my panic attack. She ended up calling the police to send someone out (fireworks are highly illegal in our area, and within the complex even more so due to fire risk, they actually had multiple calls to our complex for the same thing according to the dispatcher).

    That was the only thing that happened, that one incident but the damage had already been done. My wife is the true MVP here, she helped talk me down from my panic attack where my body was literally convulsing, honestly couldn't have made it through without her. I have never been that close to something that loud in quite some time, and I don't think I've been that close to fireworks of that magnitude in my life so to say it had me rattled would be an understatement.

    So if you're still reading this, thanks for sticking around. I'm feeling pretty down and really numb to everything right now, but I'm still here, still living and trying my best to pick myself back up. It'll take some time but I'll be okay, it's just frustrating because I was having such a great night until then and also frustrating being able to feel safe in your own home.

    I'm still not entirely sure why I'm writing this. I guess to help me process what I'm feeling, hopefully it'll help someone else not feel so alone in their fears as well.

    Thanks for reading, I hope everyone had a wonderful NYE and wish everyone the best in 2020.
  • wildheart
    Senior Member
    • Apr 2015
    • 859

    #2
    Re: Traumatic NYE

    Sorry you had such a bad experience. I don’t like fireworks or sudden loud noises either, but it sounds like you have it worse. You’re lucky your wife understands and tries to help you through it. At least it’s unlikely to happen again anytime soon. If fireworks are illegal where you are and the police were called, it should hopefully be the last of it. Where I am there’s loads of fireworks and not just on New Years. People do it the day before and after. Don’t even get me started on bonfire night. Don’t think you have that in the states. Basically people have fireworks every day leading up to it and after. Someone had them going off at 3 in the morning this year.

    Hope you’ll feel more relaxed again soon.
    How big will it go? Only one way to find out...
    My website: loonerstories.weebly.com

    Comment

    • Loonatic
      Balloons + Feet
      • Apr 2016
      • 209

      #3
      Re: Traumatic NYE

      Originally posted by wildheart
      Sorry you had such a bad experience. I don’t like fireworks or sudden loud noises either, but it sounds like you have it worse. You’re lucky your wife understands and tries to help you through it. At least it’s unlikely to happen again anytime soon. If fireworks are illegal where you are and the police were called, it should hopefully be the last of it. Where I am there’s loads of fireworks and not just on New Years. People do it the day before and after. Don’t even get me started on bonfire night. Don’t think you have that in the states. Basically people have fireworks every day leading up to it and after. Someone had them going off at 3 in the morning this year.

      Hope you’ll feel more relaxed again soon.
      Thanks for your support, it's much appreciated.

      It didn't used to be this bad, I've never liked fireworks but had a bad incident in high school (not firework related) that left me with some residual issues.

      We don't have bonfire night but I bet it's akin to 4th of July here with the 'nothing celebrates the independence of your nation like blowing up a small part of it' mentality lol

      Thanks again for your response and the well wishes, I'll get there. Sorry you're having to deal with fireworks around you as well, hope things weren't too bad in your area.

      Comment

      • wildheart
        Senior Member
        • Apr 2015
        • 859

        #4
        Re: Traumatic NYE

        Fireworks weren’t too bad here this year. Most people probably went to parties and there weren’t any near here. There were a few, but I was popping balloons at the time anyway, so didn’t bother me. They’re not a huge problem for me, but I can’t relax when I’m waiting for the next one to go off. Especially at night. Same goes for thunder in the middle of the night.
        How big will it go? Only one way to find out...
        My website: loonerstories.weebly.com

        Comment

        • palloncino90
          Senior Member
          • Jan 2018
          • 391

          #5
          Re: Traumatic NYE

          I feel you Loonatic. I had the same experience when I was younger at my grandparents' home. They were living in suburbs and the new year eve was a drama, not just for fireworks but mostly for big firecrakers. Here people love to play fireworks and everybody does, everywhere in the streets but commonly in suburbs, and the intensity after 23:30 is impressive, such as a war. Now I just have phobia for firecrakers, fireworks no, and I'm lucky where i live i can see the panorama of this war, no one play fireworks nearby. Anyway you're lucky your wife understand you and remember here se are a family

          I attack a clip to let you see what I felt many many years (it's not my city, i didn't find any, but the situation Is same unluckily)

          I want to live surrounded of big and colorful balloons

          Comment

          • masseylooner
            Member
            • Mar 2016
            • 58

            #6
            Re: Traumatic NYE

            I suffer from a really bad phobia of fireworks too, I’ve always been afraid of loud noises from when I was a kid but a few years ago I went to a firework display to try and get over my phobia and it massively back fired, they let off the loudest fireworks I have ever seen which petrified me, then after the display people were setting them off in the streets and I had a couple fireworks explode a few feet away from me it was the most traumatic night of my life.

            I have many many stories where fireworks have freaked me out, every New Year’s Eve or bonfire night my fear for them grows and grows, I’ve tried counselling and hypnotherapy but they both failed so I guess I’m stuck like this.

            You’re very brave telling all of us about your bad experiences with fireworks but just know that you’re not alone, they’re scary af

            Comment

            • Meililoon
              aka lyckr
              • Sep 2014
              • 700

              #7
              Re: Traumatic NYE

              I also have a case of phonophobia and so New Year is not something I care for either. Thankfully there's heavy restrictions on fireworks in Norway and the worst of it is usually done 20 minutes past midnight these days. It's the only day regular people are allowed to use fireworks, so the rest of the year is fine.

              Comment

              • BalloonBoyUK
                Banned
                • Dec 2018
                • 500

                #8
                Re: Traumatic NYE

                I'm not a fan of loud noises either. Cars backfiring, noisy motorbikes, loud bangs, lorries loudly opening their trailers and having the rear ramps clang. All of these annoy the hell out of me, and scare me. I don't freak-out at them, but they do cause me momentary distress, that makes me physically recoil and curl-up like a child, to protect myself.

                So I completely sympathise with you. The good thing is, your partner is clearly an absolute angel, and for that you are a lucky person to have someone that caring. Secondly, it wasn't your fault that your body reacted in the way it did. It's also not your fault that you have PTSD. I have Autism. It's something I was born with, and have limited control over certain things it makes me do.

                Ultimately, you did the right things. It's not good to try and pretend to yourself (or others) that everything is okay, when it isn't, in my opinion. And you were right to call the police, if fireworks are forbidden in your area. Anyone breaking the law needs to understand that the rules are there for a reason. No one wants to be a killjoy, but fireworks aren't a necessity to celebrate New Year's on.

                I think the main thing is, praise your partner for her understanding, tolerance and support, and just make sure she knows how much you value her, love her, and care for her. That's what most people would want, and I'm pretty sure that that is all she wants from you - your love.

                Comment

                • yet_another_aussie
                  Senior Member
                  • Dec 2019
                  • 104

                  #9
                  Re: Traumatic NYE

                  After reading your story I empathised - And after watching the video linked by palloncino it more vividly came to life just how bad it must be for others around the world.

                  I am very much in the same boat on this one - pyrotechnics have a very extroverted presence and are quite invasive in a way. I am 'lucky' to live in a place where fireworks are outright banned except for public displays about 3-4 times a year. I would likely need a sedative of some description to be in Naples on NYE...


                  -Y.A.A

                  Comment

                  • palloncino90
                    Senior Member
                    • Jan 2018
                    • 391

                    #10
                    Re: Traumatic NYE

                    Hi Yet Another Aussie,

                    I know what you mean, unluckily in Italy is like that (South), it's folkloric, I know many of you might think that's retrograde and possibily dangerous, I like to say it's just culture. Anyway as I said, now I can tolerate fireworks, it has been even my job for a short period, although I was extremely phobic in my childhood, what I still hate are firecrackers, I'm still phobic about because mostly of them are huge or illegal and the unexpected loud noise makes me uncomfortable.
                    I endured this about 18 years, NYE was a hell for me.
                    I want to live surrounded of big and colorful balloons

                    Comment

                    • bubblesNdragons
                      Senior Member
                      • Oct 2019
                      • 103

                      #11
                      Re: Traumatic NYE

                      I had a pretty troubling experience from one of my NYE parties too . My roommate invited me to a party, and they set up some 12" balloons. She knows about my phobia, so when they were blowing up the balloons, she wished she remembered to tell them not to buy the balloons in the first place, and felt bad for not ensuring that sooner.
                      When I walked downstairs and saw the balloons, I had a mini heart attack and started to feel a massive panic attack creep up. I told my roommate's cousin that I have a phobia, and she responded, "I thought you liked them".
                      Her cousin was the one person I wish didn't know about my fetish, because my roommate told me stories about how petty she could get at times.
                      Next thing I knew, I was shaking and whimpering in a separate room while they threw the balloons away. Thankfully, my girlfriend was there to comfort me and help bring me back into the moment again before the party actually started. She also told me that the cousin didn't act remotely offended to know about my fetish. In fact, while she was talking with her regarding my phobia/fetish, the cousin said something along the lines of "well shit, whoever made her feel bad about her interests should've been punched in the face"
                      It really shook me up. I still had a good time at the party, but it's taking me a while to process it fully.
                      *notices bulge*

                      Comment

                      • wildheart
                        Senior Member
                        • Apr 2015
                        • 859

                        #12
                        Re: Traumatic NYE

                        I know how you felt. That’s one of the reasons I never went to any parties as a kid. I can relate to that sudden panic when you see people blowing up balloons. Luckily your girlfriend was there to help calm you. It can really ruin the night after you’ve had a scare like that, can’t it?
                        How big will it go? Only one way to find out...
                        My website: loonerstories.weebly.com

                        Comment

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