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Old 14-11-2019, 05:29 PM
AuroraFox AuroraFox is offline
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Default Re: An Apology (of sorts)...
Originally Posted by BalloonBoyUK View Post
Well, it seems I can't say or do anything right.

AuroraFox - You said:

I have never been a Moderator here, nor will I ever be. What ever made you think I was, I don't know. Does morality not come into play, when you're dealing with people? I think it does. We all have morals, and morality plays a lot when talking about sexual fetishes. And that's what we are talking about here. Like you say, we're all "diverse and unique", but it seems you are holding me to a very different, higher standard, simply because you disagree with my views. Why? Are we not allowed to agree-to-disagree on stuff?

2) I'm not trying to "shame" others. I've never tried to shame someone on here. Where is this anger coming from? Is it purely because I post often, and hold a different view? The fact you feel I am shaming people, shows the disconnect between what I write, and how people interpret what I write. But even when I've said what my views are, people still don't believe what I say. So I'm damned either way, aren't I?!

I've tried to explain things. I've tried to apologise. I've tried to put myself into the position of others, and understand why so many people were angry at me, but I just cannot win. I'll clearly never be seen as worthy of being a member here by some of you. So be it.
I have never seen you as a Moderator so Iím not sure where that statement comes from either. I guess other users have mistaken you for one.

Hereís the thing - I will agree with you somewhat - yes, morality will come into play in many more situations than just a fetish. However, morals differ from person to person, and thatís okay. Can we have a friendly discussion about it on the forum? Yes, absolutely! But do members here want you to set your own rigid definition of morals and expect everyone to not only completely agree with you but abide by them unquestioningly? No, nobody here wants that. Thatís where the difference lies and where you are upsetting people. Everyone has their own opinion and personal standards, and just like a political discussion, standing on a soapbox will rarely, if ever, change anybodyís mind. A perfect shining example of this is the thread ďA message to all the Heterosexual males on this forumĒ, is where you have tried to force your views upon the users here. I do not like questioning the moderators, but how that thread ever got to be a sticky is beyond me. The intentions/message are in the right place, but the delivery just reeks of self-righteousness and a need to shame any differing views. One thing I do find ironic though - as much as you like to call out other male users for attempting to approach women, you yourself used to be quite the welcome wagon for female members only, as I remember.

And yes, your posts do come off as shaming others, whether you intend for them to be that way or not. Itís not because you post often, or hold a different view. Its how you handle other peopleís views. You try tirelessly to convince everyone they are wrong and why your opinion is correct, and have very long winded explanations why they should convert to your views and why you think they are wrong. Sometimes, you have to accept others will have differing opinions and just leave it at that. Nothing more.

I still donít feel as if thereís been a true apology here. Yes, youíve said the words, but statements youíve made, including (paraphrasing) ďI apologize, but I will still stand by what Iíve saidĒ and ďIíve accepted my punishment but still donít see that I did anything wrongĒ are certainly not apologies because you donít feel as if thereís any behavior to correct, and you intend to carry on as if it was business as usual. You also place the blame on everyone else for reading you wrong, but youíre responsible for your own words. A true apology would include asking what you did wrong if you truly are unaware, and taking the steps to correct that.
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Old 16-11-2019, 02:11 PM
BalloonBoyUK BalloonBoyUK is offline
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Default Re: An Apology (of sorts)...
I will make this my last post in this thread, purely so as not to drag things out further.

Morality always comes into play when anyone is talking about sexual fetishes. Whether people's morals differ from mine isn't the issue. There are certain lines - no one, anyone, all of us as human beings - should simply not cross, especially if it unwittingly involves other people who may not know why we do something.

I personally don't think it's fair to others for anyone to ask them to do something that might seem innocent, but which to the asker, is being done with ulterior motives (e.g. to surreptitiously get sexual pleasure from). It's a form of using people, and - in my view - that's wrong. That's just my view. You, and others, are free to disagree, but the reason I post what I do post, is to simply stir debate and get people to consider the other view. People are free to ignore anything or say, or say that I'm talking out of my rear-end, if that's what they wish to do so, but that's up to them. But this is a public forum, and any bad behaviour by anyone (myself included) has the potential to reflect badly on all of us. And I have an issue with that. It taints all of us. Whether people like it or not, in real-life, bad behaviour by one person often then reflects on others. I don't want that, and I don't think any of us should want that. But, like I say, that's just my opinion, which you are free to adhere to or ignore as you decide. Some of the stuff that's been metioned in the time I've been here, in my view only, crosses that line, and that's why I've said what I've said at the time. This isn't me lecturing people. It's me possting a strong opinion, and explaining why I hold that view, and/or why it might be problematic. If you or anyone else doesn't think it's problematic, then that's your choice. But if one person just considers things, for a moment, then - in my view - that's a good thing. You call it a soapbox. I call it "my opinion". We'll simply have to agree-to-disagree.

As for the example you mentioned, there's a reason I posted it, and - clearly - a reason why the Mods made it a Sticky Thread. The fact you disagree with both, is something you have to come to terms with. I would have thought, however, that it would be obvious why it was posted, and why it was made a Sticky in the first place. You can disagree with how I delivered my message, but then you are free to add to the post thread, and say why too.

As for your assertion that "you yourself used to be quite the welcome wagon for female members only, as I remember" is just that - an assertion on your part. I don't want anyone - female, male, gay, bisexual, trans, or anyone at all - to feel that they cannot join here, and not suddenly be deluged by a load of other people saying "I'd love to chat with you. PM me at this e-mail address". Again, such behaviour is detrimental to the group, to other looners, and stops many women from posting. That's not fair or right. If the tables were reversed, and Looner Forums were predominantly women messaging men, I'd hope that there'd be one woman who would say to the rest "Actually folks, this isn't appropriate or right". As others have pointed out in the thread, lots of male looners want to meet female looners, for friendship, for romance, for whatever, but the reality is, a significant proportion of women feel put off from posting, because they fear (rightly or wrongly) that they will be inundated with men being "friendly".

There's a difference between people posting a public "Welcome to the group" message, and someone immediately sending that person a "Let's PM together". In my view only, that's seedy behaviour, and is likely to stop that women from posting and stop other women from posting, because it proves the adage that women will simply be targets for men.

Again, in my view only, that's not fair or right. This is 2019, and such behaviour is no longer seen as right or fair in a modern society.

If any man believes otherwise, that's their choice, but then these same men cannot then complain that there are no female looners joining looner groups and forums anymore.

But this is just my opinion.

Lastly, if you feel my posts "come off as shaming others, whether you intend for them to be that way or not", then that's just your interpretation of things. I do my hardest NOT to make them sound like I am doing that, but if that's how you interpret them, then that's down to you (or whomever else) feels like I am.

I DO stand by everything I say. I think everyone should stand by what they say. If people won't stand behind a statement, why make it? I dislike it when people say something, then refute it, or deny it, or walk back and say they didn't really mean it. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you dislike that, then I'm sorry you feel that way.

Anyway, I've said enough. I will try to do better. Whether you (or others) believe that, is down to all of you. Clearly, for some, nothing I do will make an iota of difference, and I will never change their mind. So be it. I'm not here to try and be everyone's friend, nor do I expect everyone to be my friend too. I don't agree with everyone, and nor should everyone agree with me.

As you and others have stated, this is a "diverse and unique" group. That is how it should be. Any place, where everyone always agrees on everything, is a dull and boring place to exist. But to those who dislike me that much, use the Ignore feature of this group. Posting nasty comments after people think I'd gone for good, and being spiteful just makes that person look extremely tragic and pathetic. It's infantile!

I am what I am! People are free to try and read what I'm saying and comprehend it, even if they disagree with, or free to read and then complain about it, because what I say doesn't tie in with their own views. But I am not going to simply just lie down, be an obedient slave, and do exactly what everyone wants me to be, just to aquiesce to their demands.

That is NOT the same as me saying that I will NOT toe the line, nor abide by the Forum Rules and Guidelines though. I absolutely WILL play by the rules and try to be better. But people have to take me as I am, not as they would like me to be. I don't try or aim to be everyone's best buddy, nor will they be mine.

Thanks to Vicci and the Mods for giving me a second chance. I hope I don't let them down again.
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Old 29-12-2019, 06:38 AM
Heliumpongo Heliumpongo is offline
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Default Re: An Apology (of sorts)...
I don't care how someone's posts read. I care what they actually communicate.
Tone trolls are boring and the endless, hand wringing, passive aggression involved in "I agree with what you say but I don't like the way you say it" is annoying.
I don't understand what BalloonBoyUK did that saw him banned and all I can find in this thread is pissy complaints about the tone with which he posts.
So what if a post reads as pretentious or self important?
Reacting strongly to perceived slights about your own relative importance is an example of exactly the qualities the people complaining about BalloonBoyUK's posting cite as problematic - pretentious and self important.
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